MAY 18 - R.E.P.O.R.T.
666 with a princess streak
At the intersection of diary entry, listicle, wishlist, and acrostic poem lies the ~ R.E.P.O.R.T. ~
I've been dragging my feet on sending out this specific newsletter for two weeks for I don’t know why. I will be more brave and less precious with my creative projects. I believe it’s to the detriment of us both for me to continue sitting on this, so without further ado…
This week’s R.E.P.O.R.T. is HEAVY on the fangirling. For the love of god, be passionate about something. Buck up or shut up.
R - reading
A certain type of girl (me) can’t discuss fan culture without talking about Rookie Mag (RIP) and its fearless leader, Tavi Gavinson. Tavi’s legacy of feminist pop culture writing continues with her recently released 76-page zine. Like all good Taylor Swift fanfic, this girlhood epic (and thus this substack) opens with a handwritten Nabokov quote.
The zine is “fanfic” in the sense that it is a semi-fictional piece about fandom. The first of three sections opens with a literary analysis of Swift's lyrics in the style of Nabokov’s Pale Fire. It’s rich with literary metareferences, not unlike the lyrical content of Taylor’s new 31-track* anthology album.
*Since writing this last night, I believe she has released three more songs…
The second section is a personal essay about Tavi’s relationship with Taylor, both as a larger-than-life pop star and a real human woman. The title of the zine states this is a parody, but that hasn’t stopped the internet from breaking Gevinson’s writing down into microscopic pieces in an effort to find the REAL MEANING. Gevinson so masterfully crafts this narrative in such a way that it prompts the reader to seek out the secret “truths” like Swifties do with Taylor’s music. Can you imagine if we had Swifties on the case when ‘I am the Walrus’ came out?? People would’ve DIED.
I’ve got more to say on this topic, but I don’t want to turn this ‘Reading’ section into a breakdown of my take on the Tortured Poet’s Department… for that, please refer to the ‘Recommending’ section below.
The third and final part of the zine recounts a fictional conversation played out over a series of emails between Tavi, Taylor, and her (in)famous publicist, Tree Paine. Hunter Harris, the undisputed champ of writing funny, smart things about pop culture, has long predicted Amy Adams as Tree Paine in an Oscar-winning biopic-to-be. I would like to see it.
In the email thread, Tavi shares her plans to write a novel about Taylor and asks for the green light to share some personal details. The (fictional) Taylor reminds us that she’s actually very chill and very cool and very self-aware, and everything that speaks to the contrary must be stricken from the record.
I could go on about this zine, but my review won’t do Tavi’s writing justice. Read it for yourself but whatever you do, please do NOT read comments about this piece on any Taylor Swift subreddits, ESPECIALLY not r/GaylorSwift (because you will want to rip out all your hair and eat it.)
E - eating
The fandom theme of this post weakens a bit in the food section. Everything I am weakens a bit when it comes to food, sorry idk. I am a FAN of when people put fruit in salsa though. Peach or pineapple, preferably. I also like that it’s almost peach grillin’ season.
P - playing
Creative interpretation of “playing“ this week— you merch resellers better stop fucking PLAYING with me. This Cowboy Carter ashtray is a soon-to-be prized possession of mine. It sold out in minutes on the official site, but dozens immediately popped up on eBay, listed as “rare”????? Bitch, I’ll k*ll you.
On the other hand, buying this secondhand may be the more ethical choice. Beyoncé is a billionaire and ICYMI, she’s at the top of many celebrity block lists on TikTok. These block lists are somehow about showing your support for Palestine. I’ll leave you to do your own research on this. We’re talking branded ashtrays at the moment.
If I buy this ashtray from some scummy, greedy, low-life reseller, it’s kind of like I’m supporting a small business 🫶. I’ll continue to blame this moral dilemma, and not the fact that I’m broke, for my delayed purchase.
O - obsessing
Ari at the MET Gala doing a surprise performance, including live debuts of two tracks from eternal sunshine, in front of The Temple of Dendur while wearing my favorite piece from the Margiela Spring ‘24 collection?????? Don’t mind if I do!!!
As much as I love bush-as-an-accessory on the runway, I can’t blame Glinda Ariana’s team for styling this garment differently for this surprise seven-song performance. I would’ve loved to see this performance IRL, but I guess my MET Gala invite got lost in the mail, 🙄 so I’ll settle for a TikTok recap. You have until next May to get it together, Anna!
The viral clip of her singing the Into You bridge might just tide me over until I can see her live, and the duet with co-star Cynthia Erivo got me so hyped for the official Wicked trailer!!!
🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧 🪄 ✨ ✨ ✨ 💚💖💚💖💚
We’ve plenty of time between now and the Thanksgiving release date for me to gush about how important Wicked was to me as a teen (and beyond…) For now, I’ll say the souvenir necklace my mom gifted me when we saw the show together on Broadway is still tucked away in the safest hidden compartment of my most precious keepsake box. The necklace has a delicate witch hat pendant and tiny beads of the perfect Ozian emerald.
Y’all are gonna haaaate when I start embracing my inner child, and that child is a theater kid.
R - recommending
As mentioned earlier, I have many thoughts about Miss Tortured Poet and her whole Department. I'll keep this brief as to avoid inadvertantly writing my own 76-page zine about Taylor’s lyrics.
The recommendation is to listen to these songs as though they’re happening to you and not to Taylor Swift, a billionaire white feminist millennial on a world tour, at the peak of her career, dating a superstar athlete, who seems to stay conveniently silent only in times when taking a stand could impact her bottom line. I cannot easily access empathy for the idea of Taylor Swift and at her level of fame, we’re really only left with an idea of a person. That is dehumanizing in a way I can’t imagine. I feel for her on that front, but I digress.
On a recent Las Culturistas episode, Bowen and Matt noted everyone’s “racing to a take” in the days after (and tbh before) the album’s release. Truthfully, I hadn’t given this album a real chance until after listening to that podcast episode simply because of the takes everyone raced to. When you’re as good at capitalism as she is, being such a prolific artist feels greedy in an almost perverse way. I was too overwhelmed by the sheer volume of music, and my Xwitter feed was immediately oversaturated with memes of the album’s more cringy lyrics. That being said, there are many cringy lyrics but that doesn’t mean they don’t have their place in the work as a whole. If you’re gonna do it, might as well be the best, and no one does cringe like Taylor.
In the best way, THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT feels like an account of a tumultuous adult dating life through the eyes of your most angsty teenage self. There’s some real freedom in self-indulgent melodrama that borders on the immature. At the risk of perpetuating the false and harmful notion that psych meds dull your creativity, this album feels like the breakup poetry I would write if I went off all my mood stabilizers, anti-depressants, and OCD meds. It captures the feeling of being delirious with the late-night pain of heartbreak when you cry until sunrise, leaving your eyes tender and swollen. You send silent prayers up to the ceiling that you’ll find the strength to get out of bed and stay vertical long enough to shower. After some food and water and, if you’re feeling bold, a deep breath outside, you feel a tinge of hope. Maybe peace will come easier today… but then again, what would that even look like? And anyway, the heartbreak is the devil you know. The one you love isn’t waiting for you in your bed when the sun goes down, but your sheets still smell like them, and if you try hard enough, you can conjure their face in your sleep.
wtf who wrote all that? anyway…
Matt says, “…you see someone living their fucking life singing All Too Well, they're not thinking about how that's about Jake Gyllenhaal. They're thinking about how it applies to their life…start listening to her music as if you're the protagonist and try to apply it to your own life instead of like, falling down a cliff trying to figure out what it means for her.” With someone whose success is predicated on the intimacy of their writing, it was a novel idea to consider removing her from her stories.
I don’t care to think of tryst with Matty Healy when I listen to these songs. I don’t care to think of Matty Healy at all. I’ve never really listened to the 1975, aside from that one song with the lyric about a muppet. My only real association with Matty is THE tweet heard round the world, so ~problematique~ that he deleted his account shortly after.
Sonically, I prefer the latter chunk of the anthology due in large part to Aaron Dessner’s contributions. Do I mention this as an excuse to point to the stupid tweet I always think about when I hear Aaron’s name? Who’s to say?
T - treating
I’m hitting the length limit on this email so I’ll keep this bit short and so so sweet. They say don’t meet your idols but maybe sometimes you should because it could be wonderful and life-affirming.
Happy Saturday, talk soon 🫶
xo mal